Imagine All Jobs

Imagine All Jobs



Sunday, November 23, 2008

Comedy, inside view

Gangu, Traffic Police & Terrorism

The other day, I, Sri Bishnu Kumar Ganguram, with my friend Samrat was returning home on a bike. No, mine was not the John Abraham’s position; it was my friend Samrat who was riding the two-wheeler. Suddenly, near Gariahat bridge, one traffic police ‘attacked’ us. He raised his bold Lathi upwards us and commanded us to park our bike at the left side of the road. And we did that. When he came closer, he said to me, “Show me your bag.”
I thought, he is interested about what my bag contains? So, I just opened up my bag’s chains to show him my pens, diaries and my mouth-watering snacks.
Then he said, “It’s not needed; I have metal detector”
He moved his instrument on my bag from top to bottom and from left to right and found nothing. He also verified the license of our bike. It seemed to me that his face was pretty much disappointed.
He exclaimed in frustration, “Oh, half of the day passed and I didn’t find anything! If I don’t get a single terrorist caught red handed by me, then how can I be promoted for higher position?”
Now I understood why he was searching us. I asked him, “Sir, what made you think that we are terrorists?”
He quickly replied, “Your friend has a black T’ shirt and you have a black coloured bag. That’s why you guys are my prime suspect. Our intelligence agencies [Our intelligent agencies are so intelligent that whatever they do in an intelligent, secret manner, common people don’t understand those . So, they think that our intelligent agencies aren’t actually working at all. ] have said that some armed terror groups have recently arrived in Kolkata and they carries some black coloured things…may be shirts, pants, trousers, briefcases, bags……….anything. ”
I added, “Moustache and hair also?”
He said, “Nah, now-a-days, everybody is ‘colouring’ his or her hair or moustache. So we have kept these things out of our list.”
I said, “See, we are common people. Even I look like a common guy; I have ordinary glasses, bald head, cotton shirt and pant and I don’t have long beard or any special hat on my face.”
“That’s why I still think that you guys may be terrorists. Because, terrorists are so common that they are difficult to identify. By the way, why are you carrying a black coloured bag?”
“Because, I purchased this black coloured bag from college street. It is my bag; that’s why. But tell me honestly, are you a black hater? Have you launched your campaigns against all people having ‘black belt’? ”
“Who are these people having ‘black belt’?”
“All top Karate specialists have black belt. This art of Karate originated from China, as I know.”
“Oh, I knew it! So, terrorists actually belong to China!”
“No, no, you misunderstand; Karate is a game of self - defense. And tell me why Men in Black flopped at box office? Was that because of your police actions?”
“What is ‘Men in Black’?”
“‘Men in Black’ are secret agents who deals with aliens.”
“Oh, now terrorists have gone so far that they are making deals with aliens? We are not far behind also. We have landed on Moon. One day, our secret agents will also deal with aliens. However, our next astronomical aim is not dealing with aliens.”
“Then what is it?”
“As one of my police colleague told me yesterday that Indian scientists are planning to land on the Sun very soon! However my business is not with that. Show me your voter ID card.”
I felt trouble. I don’t carry my voter ID card all the time and I think hardly anybody does! I said, “ I don’t have the voter ID at this moment. I have it at home. And it actually has no value for me. My card has expired long before.”
The traffic police suddenly became enthusiastic. He shouted, “Ah-ha, a vital clue. You said your card has expired. That means you have a false voter ID card. You are afraid of showing me that. That’s why you are lying that it has expired. If a third degree is applied on you in a local police station, then I’m sure that you will commit your crime.”
I felt very scared. I said, “No, it’s absolutely true. After my voter ID card expired, I went to Mayukh Bhavan for the card renewal and applied for the issue of a new voter ID card. But the GOVT. official there wes so worthless, he didn’t take care of my problems and did not do anything and I just ‘wasted’ my two consecutive days for that job. Then, I could not take any more leave from my office and I thought if our political leaders do not care for issue of new voter ID cards for voters like us, then why should we be bothered? But after some days, I registered my name in BHAAGORE.COM, which campaigns for voting right of every people. I told them about my problem. They said their campaign is just for ‘show’, and it is only for brand promotion of their tea brand ‘Turmoil Tea’. So I understood that BHAAGORE.COM guys who show on TV screen that drinking their tea will make the ‘awakening’ among people, were actually ‘sleeping’ in case of ,my problem! This is the story of misfortune.”
Meanwhile, a ‘Vendi-ca CS-420’ car passed by us and although the car had no number plate and although our traffic police commanded with his lathi to stop the car, the proud driver of the car plyaing a high sound music, perhaps an idiot son of a rich non-Bengali businessman thought it was a perfect heroism to disobey the traffic rules of Kolkata.
Our angry traffic police talked on the walky-talky telling officials about the description of the car. He was now standing a more distant from us than he was before. Then he slowly came back to us.
My friend Samrat kept mum during all our conversation. Now, he opened his mouth, “Leave us for this time, sir. We have seriously done no crime.”
The traffic police thought for a moment; he took our names, addresses and mobile numbers and gave a formal warning to obey traffic rules and suddenly said, “Get the hell out of here.”
Perhaps, he understood harassing common people is not the task of police. There are greater traffic offenders on the streets of Kolkata. Catching them is a bigger task. That day in the evening I saw in the news that police has searched the whole day for explosives on Howrah station and some selected places of kolkata and unfortunately found nothing. Actually terror lies our mind. We have to eliminate it....